________and somehow, we are boys again
________but this time, i allow myself to love them with my skin off
their shoulder is a marronage,
and i resile all the mannish hauntings
that had us caught up
got us fucked up
kept us locked up
and lost to one another
___________________we sat this close a million times before
___________________but still, i feel nervous to lean into them
___________________as we whirr over charleston streets
___________________under sleepy moss trees
___________________and i am keenly aware of their breath,
___________________just above my temple
maxx is 30 and drunk this night
and i realize we’ve spent half our lives
like lathes—cutting and turning and shaping one another
_________________and too, like mirrors
how they are not me,
i’m still not sure
maxx pulls me closer, until we are
blood brothers
i feel a warming joy grow in my gut
knowing we are both done
with the banal bravado of boyhood
i close my eyes and recall every tender moment between us
that wanted to be this one
i know that i will know them
for every moment henceforth
but i still grieve the ones in which
i couldn’t be brave
because i was busy being a boy
___________________it’s almost like they hear my remorse out loud because
___________________maxx leans in closer and says
___________________“you are so beautiful”
___________________in a voice i’ve never heard from them before
in an instant
we are boys
we are grown
we are grey
and we are gone
a whole lifetime passes
___________________i promise myself i will come up with something
___________________just as loving to say back to them
___________________someday soon
___________________i promise
___________________i will be their better, brighter reflection
but this night, i keep my eyes shut
fall gently onto maxx
into sleep
and dream about mirrors
