The opportunity to perform this play was not only historic, but it set a precedent in the hearts and minds of others moving forward. By giving us the opportunity to portray these characters—to imitate life, if you will—gives others the opportunity to see themselves in us, just as we saw ourselves in the characters we portrayed.
The Actor: I played Howard. Howard was Willie Loman’s boss. Howard cared about Willie personally, but business-wise he didn’t, and that led Howard to fire Willie. I felt connected to Howard’s business sense because I had my own business before, so I knew the role of being a boss. The props I used in the play were a cigar made from brown paper towels, an mp3 player as a tape recorder, and a tie made from a cut-up sheet. When my scene was over, I forgot to move the table and chair for the next scene because I was still in character, and I felt like that wasn’t something a boss would do.
Being able to express ourselves and share our strengths and struggles allows the world to see us beyond our circumstances. If we desire for others to see us differently, we must change how they see us. Our hope moving forward is for more opportunities to show the world we are human beings. To prove those that say we are beyond redemption and have nothing to offer this world wrong.
If we desire for others to see us differently then we must change how they see us.
We can’t just hope for a change, we must change our hope to reality. Then people will begin to see us differently. Not just what we do or say, but how we live our lives as incarcerated people. Just because we are humans locked in a cell or on Death Row don’t mean we should give up. Every day, history is being made for people on Death Row, and more history is gonna happen. Like right now, we’re here, unchained, no shackles.
The Actor: To be an actor, or in a play, you have to be a creative person. That changed my way of thinking about myself because I feel for me to act out another person or character, I have to empty myself and my mind to be that perfect actor.
Only a few years ago, the policy for Death Row was that any time someone was outside their cells, they had to be restrained and escorted by two prison guards, and the guards had to have shields. Generally, my interactions with the prison staff were them escorting me in restraints to whatever destination I was headed. Handcuffs when going to the shower and the exercise yard; waist chains when going to visitation.
My disorientation came from a decade of functioning in such a state.
Then one glorious morning, we were no longer required by the superintendent to wear restraints to go to the shower.
The first day without handcuffs, waist chains and leg irons had many feeling lost, apprehensive, and fearful, as they had to learn to awaken social mechanisms that had fallen into a deep sleep. Being around the prison staff without restraints made me feel uncomfortable. I was now able to walk around them, by them, and next to them without constraint. Not knowing how to approach them without being seen as a threat or socially bound. My mental state had latched on to being restrained. I would find myself in the shower awaiting the prison guard to take off handcuffs that weren’t there.
The Actor: After the play ended, I had such an adrenaline rush. All that day, I felt like I could do anything. It was one of the greatest feelings I ever felt in my life. I couldn’t keep still. I didn’t want the day to end.
But oh how the floodgates opened when we were able to participate in book clubs, trauma talks, creative writing, plays, and sporting events.
That look of hopelessness went through and through until that opened door unloosed the cries from willing and earnest hearts.
